quite beautiful

So now it's confession time. I, like many others, have self-esteem issues. Welcome to the 21st century, right? I don't often see myself as others do. I feel unimportant at times, I feel fat when I eat too much, I am extra hard on myself when I am riding or performing anything, I am too serious at times and on the other hand, I sometimes laugh when I should lend a hand. I have battled that for a while now and I don't know the answer to fixing self-esteem but that isn't why I am writing tonight. I write tonight to inspire the girl, boy, woman, or man that isn't quite feeling like they add up. I feel like that quite often and here is what I think about it...

1-What the heck are we trying to add up to,

2-Why are we trying to add up to that, 

3-What will we accomplish when we finally get to "that point", and 

4-When we are dead and gone, will what we are trying to measure up to really matter?

I think the answers to those four questions are...

1-We are trying to measure up to the crazy standards that WE SET. I often get this crazy idea that it is society's fault for my low self-esteem. Reality check Kins, that's wrong. Garbage In=Garbage Out

I try to remember that in all I do. If all I look at are pictures of beautiful models or happy, wealthy families on Instagram standing in front of their white fence, of course I will feel crummy. I put myself in a circumstance to fail and not add up. 

2-Usually when we try to add up to those unrealistic "goals" (as we like to label them), we are trying to fix something broken or smudged inside of us. For example, I may be struggling with a subject in school so I compare myself with the top student in my graduating class only to see that I am a little behind her according to grades. HELLO. I can't do that. God gave us two different brains to accomplish two very different things. Maybe I don't need to add up to what standards I think I should. The point is, emptiness leads to searching. The same thing goes for when people feel insecure in themselves, so they wear tons and tons of makeup, which may do a great first impression but what about when you really get to know them? The only person that can fill our deep voids is Jesus Christ alone. That's it. Not good grades, money, a pretty face or a good reputation. In the end, all of that fades away. 

3-When we reach "that goal", what will that accomplish? Most likely nothing more than a greater desire. Just as one door leads to another, so do goals. Take money for example. You start off as an employee for a company. Hey, now you're sales rep. Then you move to manager. Next you get a promotion to CEO. What more could you want? Oh, that's right-now you want to start your own business. Now I am not dissing promotions or businessmen. I am simply providing an analogy to show that reaching these fantasies leads to more fantasies. There are no happy endings because there is no end. Unless you find Jesus. 

4-When we are gone, our job title may follow us, our awesome house may be mentioned when everyone is trying to get "their part", but what will be talked about and remembered most is what we could offer as a person. I have never said anything about someone who has passed to the effect of, "oh she was sweet but gosh she was so overweight!", or, "he was really kind but he lived in a really small apartment." I always talk about the way they made me feel and the way they lived. So why do we spend our whole lives ignoring that? 

Again, I do not have the answer to this but I do have some scripture to set a nice reminder of where our eyes should stay. 

1 Peter 3:3-4...

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 

Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

1 Samuel 16:7...But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 

Colossians 3:2...Set your minds on things 

that are above, not on things that are on 

earth.

Romans 8:5...For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

Surround yourselves with people who are  real with you but also lift you up. Stay away from the fakes, or at least watch what you tell them and please don't be one of them. Spend times with the ones that matter and here is the real challenge...

For my ladies. TAKE OFF YOUR MAKEUP and look in the mirror. Really look. What do you see? Who do you see? What mistakes do you see? What victories do you see? Write it down. Tear it up. Frame it. Share it. Whatever it is you may need to do, just do it. You are beautiful and not because of anything your outward appearance is doing for you. 

For the guys. *I honestly don't know what to challenge the guys with so I will close my eyes and throw the dart.* If you're married, dating, scouting, etc., tell the girl she is kind or she is really caring rather than beautiful. Don't get me wrong, we ladies need to hear that we look good after spending an hour and a half to get ready for date night but it is also nice to hear that you see the hard work we are putting in emotionally. 

So to wrap this up, I stand in front of the mirror in my oversized tee, no makeup, puffy eyes, slightly oily face, messy hair, and I feel absolutely wholesome and okay with who is looking back at me in the mirror. I have received so much love and fellowship tonight from some sweet family and friends and that has lead to the blessing of being okay with who I am right now. Tomorrow may be a different story but I will rest in the peace of today. You do the same. Here is a selfie to prove it. I challenge you to take one too. You don't even have to post it. Just take it. That's the first step.

stay happy, stay humble. 

xoxo, Kins