From Running to Restored

Since I attended a retreat in March, Jesus has been restoring my heart and my past piece by piece. With finals, graduation, and college coming up, I have been more stressed than ever before and finally broke down yesterday. I took my eyes off Jesus for one day and chose to let the stresses of life dictate my actions and because of it, I fell apart. All the restoration that had been taking place in my heart no longer mattered because once again, I was broken and back to square one, so I thought.

The thing is, when Jesus is in our hearts, we don't have to go back to square one. Sure, we will get knocked down and feel as if we are back to the hopeless us, but we don't have to go back. Going back to who you used to be is a choice not an obligation. Colossians 3:9-10 says "Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of it's creator". Notice this doesn't say that you have put on your new self and everything will be fine. Paul warns us not to go back to our old self because he knew we would face things that would tempt us to do so. Going back to old habits will always be easier but clinging to God and what he has for us will always be greater. Some things the Lord is trying to teach me in my current situation are patience, endurance, and trust. Those are three things I am terrible at and want to run away from but I have been doing that for months and I see where it leads. Because of God's grace, I have a new desire to embrace his calling for me to be patient, endure hardships, and trust him and others. A wise woman told me that "If you run from everything, you will never be happy". I run because of fear but when following Christ, there is no room for fear because 1st John 4:18 says perfect love is casts out fear. We receive perfect love from the Father and scripture goes on to tell us that we love because he first loved us. I am encouraged by this because I have said for months now that I run from things but it wasn't until yesterday that I realized one of the things I have been running from the hardest is God's love, his promises, and his comfort; and because of it, I have not been able to love.  The love I have been capable of giving has been conditional but I am on a new journey of 1st Corinthians love. Love that is patient, kind, humble, not easily angered, and so much more. 

A good friend directed me to Isaiah 43 today and it has been so comforting. It says...

But the Lord, who created you, who formed you, says: Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy one of Israel, the Lord your God. 

I am tired of running. Tired of living in fear. Tired of not trusting God. It took something hard to make me realize this but I know God isn't done in that situation. Life begins when fear ends and I am about to start living. I am restored in Christ and because of that, so are my relationships with those in my past, present, and future. God is good. Even in the midst of hardships. He is good. We just have to look for him and see what he broke us for in order to tell us. 

xoxo, Kins