the life that is not my own

Over and over this week, the Lord has whispered to me, "this life is not yours". Although confused at exactly what this meant for me, it brought peace to my soul every time He spoke it.

Last night I was talking to a friend and sharing part of my testimony with her. I told her how I have always known that God had a reason for the pain and I have began to see it so clearly. She could not understand how I dealt with those things at such a young age, and my response caught me off guard, because I heard the answer that I have been looking for, for so many years, coming out of my own mouth. Standing in her room, I heard myself say these things...

"The things I have been through hurt and were nothing short of unfair, and I often question why God felt the need to put me through them, but I stand on this one thing; God is sovereign and knows what he is up to. I believe we go through everything for a reason, and honestly, I have no room to question or complain, because this life is not my own. Jesus died on the cross so that this earth, which is filled with pain and suffering, would not be my forever home. He bled to cleanse my soul and make a way for my heart to be pure once again. When you understand that kind of sacrifice that someone made for you, you have no choice but to surrender yourself. If this is the life that God feels I am equipped to endure, I will accept that. If this is the way He wants to use me to further his kingdom, count me in. My purpose on this earth is to make disciples and share the love that he has lavished over my life so that is exactly what I will do."

 This earth is not my home, and when I finally realized that;

• I began to understand that I can live a joyful life post-dad's death because I was not created to be a daughter to him; I was created to be a daughter of a king that defeated death! This is why we can confidently say death has lost its sting. I can finally rest in the hope that although I do not have an earthly father, I still have a Heavenly father, and I will one day be united with him in Heaven (Ephesians 2:6). What more could I ask for?
• The things I go through here on earth aren't worth comparing to the eternal glory that will be revealed, because Jesus died to free me from the earthly desires and gods that hold me captive to slavery (Romans 8:18, Galatians 5:1). 
• I don't have to worry about my future because I already know my future- one where I will live eternally with my heavenly father (John 3:16, 1 John 5:13-14). 
• My pride can be broken and I can love all, no matter what has been done, because that is what I am called to do; love as he has loved us (John 13:34, John 15:12, Galatians 5:13-14) 
• I do not have to worry about the number on the scale or the way others perceive me because I can finally begin to see myself the way Jesus does; a perfect and well-pleasing child that is fearfully and wonderfully made. My body is a temple that the Holy Spirit uses, so I must take care of it, love it, accept it, and not be defined by any trivial aspect of it (Psalm 139:14, 1 Corinthians 6:19).

We have the option stand in freedom from all things that once held us because we serve a God that has conquered it all. He erases every fear because in his love, there is no room. I share these words to prove I am not perfect but I can still walk in confident joy in the Lord. My heart cry is that you would surrender to the King and get to a point where you too can lay things at his feet and trust his plan. 

Psalm 26 

1) Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. 2) Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. 3) For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness. 4) I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. 5) I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked. 6) I wash my hands in innocence and go around your alter, O Lord, 7) proclaiming thanksgiving aloud, and telling all your wondrous deeds. 8) O Lord, I love the habitation of your house and the place where your glory dwells. 9) Do not sweep my soul away with sinners, nor my life with bloodthirsty men, 10) in whose hands are evil devices, and whose right hands are full of bribes. 11) But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity; redeem me, and be gracious to me. 12) My foot stands on level ground; in the great assembly I will bless the Lord. 

Let this be our anthem. Let us notice Jesus's love that is all around us. Let us cling to what is good. Let us surrender to His will and follow his lead. Let us hide under his wings and take refuge in Him. Let us allow him to love us and be our Father. Let us realize this life is not our own and surrender every part of it to Him. It will change your life, no doubt.