Oh, How Faithful

As I sat at the hospital last week waiting on results from an ultrasound, all I could do was hold mom's hand and cry because of the fear that consumed me. I knew everyone had been praying, and I knew God was in control; but waiting on results that could change my life unveiled a great amount of doubt I had in the faithfulness and goodness of God. Even though I knew deep down that if it were cancer, God would see me through it, in that moment fear seemed much more reachable than faith in God's plan. After what felt like the longest 20 minutes of my life, the doctor came in and explained the issue to my mom and I, assuring us there were no tumors and that is was a very common diagnosis and of no concern. Speechless, we hugged, cried happy and relieved tears, and praised God.

Moving on, I started this week with routine blood work at my doctor's office. Later yesterday evening, I had a couple of missed calls from my doctor. I called him back and was informed that part of my blood work had come back concerning and he wanted me to come in first thing in the morning for more blood work and an EKG. I freaked out and ran to tell mom what I had just discussed with him and that there was a possibility that the excess of this particular electrolyte could lead to heart failure. Not the news we wanted on a Monday after recovering from the lack of sleep we, or I, had gotten from our previous scare, but also our reality that had to be faced.

I was getting ready as slow as possible this morning because I was honestly afraid of the news that would be on the other side of my tests. I was actively choosing fear instead of resting in the peace that God could offer. Right in time, my phone lit up and it was Aj calling me to tell me she was praying and to wish me luck, because she knows as well as anyone that I pass out every time I go into the doctor's office. I did it yesterday, the week before, always. The whole time in the waiting room, I was filled with anxiety. As soon as I walked into the room where they would take my blood, a peace consumed me and I knew the Holy Spirit was with me. I got my blood work done (!!without passing out!!) and my EKG came back normal. God's mercy has been all over me the past two weeks.

I truly believe that sometimes God has to scare us to get our attention and teach us a lesson. When things are good, it is so easy to "trust" God, but as soon as we hit a wave, we are easily swayed and see how shallow our trust is. Faith in a bad outcome is more tangible so it is often chosen over faith in God. One thing is certain; life is fragile, but God is faithful. When we are consumed by fear, it is crucial to speak truth to our hearts like the promise in 1 Corinthians 15:57, "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through out Lord Jesus Christ". A couple of months ago, I was challenged to make Psalm 139 my prayer, and to be relentless in it. If you are not familiar with that passage, go look it up, it is SO good. God knew that trust in Him is one of my greatest weaknesses and even though I haven't been asking Him to strengthen it, he went ahead and did it anyways, because he is a good father and his pursuit is relentless. The all-knowing God goes before us and is familiar with what is to come. His plans are good. His love is strong. His wisdom is infinite. His ways are higher than ours. He is God and he is good. In the midst of our troubles, I challenge you to remember the faithfulness God has shown me in these past two, very scary weeks, and trust that he has that same goodness in store for you.