always and only

Hi friends! As most of you know, I share my heart in my most raw seasons in hopes you learn with me and we turn our eyes to the eternal and bring God the glory as a result! I am currently in a season that I did not want to face but it is producing in me something great. I want to encourage you to give serious thought to what it would look like for you to seek the Lord and lean on Him for your strength, believing He is the ultimate provider and living beneath the wings of his grace, love, and hope, even in the midst of your toughest and most hopeless storm. 

The past six months, I have desired to truly own my faith and believe Jesus to be all He claims to be. I felt a lot of guilt about this even being a struggle, but once I began to speak out I learned that it is crucial to our walk with the Lord because once we get through our doubt, we are closer to Him than ever before. It is in our weakness that He makes us strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-11) and I am here to show you how He is doing that in me. 

Last week, I had to close a chapter in my life. This was hard to accept, but I was confident it was what I had to do to lead me to the Lord and His goodness. Ending this season has began to produce in me the faith I have prayed to receive for months. All I have wanted is to move to new and more firm soil, claiming my foundation as the Lord. To get there, He had to take away a part of my security to make room for new growth and dependence on Him. Let me be clear that this season is painful and confusing, but one thing that has remained steadfast and unchanging is the grace and peace of knowing God. Never before have I felt so much peace in the midst of pain. God is here and He is at work, and because of that, I can rejoice in my storm. I can begin to cling to Him as my always and only. 

Matthew 6:45-52

45 Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46 And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray. 47 And when evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. 48 And he saw that they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night, he came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them, 49 but when they saw him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, 50 for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." 51 And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded. 

This passage is such a beautiful illustration of Jesus's plan and presence in the midst of struggle. Jesus lovingly sent his people out, knowing they would encounter a storm, but also knowing it would ultimately allow them to them see His face. When the storm came, Jesus put himself within their sight rather than hiding and watching them suffer alone. He gave them the opportunity to call out to Him for help because He was the only one that could bring the calm. The scripture says that he meant to pass by them and that when He did, they were afraid and cried out. He then comforted them and made it clear that it was him and they should not be afraid. After his comfort, He gave His presence and got into the boat with them, the wind ceased, and they were amazed. 

I think this closely reflects how we go though storms in life and how Jesus responds. The question is this: do we let Jesus in the boat or do we push him away and continue to live in fear? In this passage, we see a few characteristics of Jesus that are worth noting and remembering through our storms. 

• Jesus is always near and aware.
• Jesus went to the mountain to pray and when the night came and the storm was near, so was He. Even when he was away from his people, they were still within his sight and He had every intention to protect them and stay near. Up on the mountain, He saw them. Down on the land, He saw them. Walking out on the water in pursuit, He saw them. He sees us and knows us. He is close by and He is drawing near. 

• Jesus is intentional.
• I love how the scripture makes it a point to let us know that Jesus meant to pass them by. This shows the intentionality of Jesus and how He is always ready to save, but it is a choice to reach out and receive Him. The disciples' reaction to discovering that it was Jesus and not a ghost is a perfect way to explain what my friend Lindsey always says. She tells me this: Finding Jesus is like playing hide and seek. Not that He likes to hide from us, but so that when we find Him, He sees our reaction of pure relief and we feel the fullness of finding what we have been searching for. The disciples were amazed when they recognized Jesus and felt his rescue.

• When we allow Jesus into our storm, things change.
• When the disciples realized it was Jesus and He got into the boat, it says the winds immediately ceased. This is a reflection of the power of God and how when we let Him in, things change in mighty ways. Imagine this: had the disciples not let Jesus in the boat, afraid that He was not who he claimed to be, believing their way was better and they could get things under control on their own, the storm most likely would have continued to progress and eventually overtaken them. But because He came in things changed in big ways for their good and they saw who Jesus was. Their choice to let Him in changed the trajectory of their story. 

When we face storms in life, how often do we fail to see these qualities of God? I have seen time after time how I run from what God is trying to do in the midst of my chaos, questioning his character, wishing He would just step in and save me from my misery. I see that this is a result of me not fully knowing who God is because in reality, He is already present, allowing me to go through this suffering, knowing it will produce endurance (Romans 5:3-4). The God we serve is out for our heart and sometimes He has to let a part of us be tossed and stirred so that we finally surrender our lives to Him. When the heart of our desire is Jesus, we see that he is always what we need, and only what we need. 

If you think that all sounds great, but still feel like your storm is too big and too painful for His presence to fix, think of this analogy. When a literal storm comes through a city and tears down houses, do we just assume the city is now good for nothing and will never be rebuilt? Nope, we don't. We see a cry for help all over the news, we see trucks full of food and necessities on their way to help the cities struck by the storm, we feel the hope of home insurance coming through to build new houses, we see hard work being done to restore what is broken. In this season of restoring the community, we could either get super discouraged at the long road ahead, or we could have hope in the future houses that will be lived in. In the same way, when God tears down something in our lives, he is our insurance, our rebuilder, our new foundation, our promise to renewal. We can be confident that He has plans to rebuild and restore, giving us a better dwelling place than before. We can be humbled and encouraged when we see the love of others as they pour into us and walk with us as we learn to lean on God to rebuild our brokenness. When we finally stand in our new dwelling place, the security of the Lord, we will be much more fulfilled than when we stood in the confidence of other people or our own strength. Be encouraged that even in your storm, the contract has been signed and the construction team is on the way. He is God with us and He will see us through.

I am not yet through my storm, but as I stand and watch walls being torn down, I see Jesus right in the midst, experiencing it with me. I see His sovereign power and I am letting Him make room for a new foundation for me. Please join me and rejoice in your storm and wait with a childlike hope of your home to come. It will be sweet, secure, and hard earned. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, our always and only.